On a Clear Day's Night
Published by Nevada Motojicho in This & That · 5 April 2022
On a Clear Day's Night
It dawned on me the other night that I've been gone for nearly 4 years.
My closer friends know this is true, but general followers don't know anything at all about me or my personal life because I don't share it online. People only see what it is that I post every few days and, as it goes for most of us, there's nothing more to know about us than whatever it is that we post, right?
My textile friends are mostly my music buddies that I've had for the last 20 or more years, and although they know about Daniel, they really haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary because I keep contributing to the group's Collaboratory playlists and, well, our weekly playlists continue regardless of one's personal life.
I started withdrawing and I stopped volunteering, stopped attending functions, and I let all of my organizational memberships lapse back in 2018 when my partner Daniel started having medication related encephalopathy. That took half a year to diagnose and when we finally got that under control, he was diagnosed with 2 different stage 4 cancers at the same time. That's a bitch. That was in the fall of 2019.
With the encephalopathy, 15 months of caregiving cancer and the 15 months of grieving his passing, I woke on a clear day's night, and I realized that I've been gone for close to 4 years. I started thinking that I needed to write a (re)-introduction of myself as I start joining new groups and meeting new people, but then I stopped and said to myself, "nah, nobody cares."
But while I've been gone, I've still been watching, reading, and trying to keep up with everyone else's whatnots. In that time, I've found that I've changed in many ways, my opinions on topics, people, and a ton of other things have even reversed in some cases. I have a lot to write about now. I think I'm going to start with the topic of me being classified as a "single male." It happened when I was trying to renew a membership that I've had for the last 20 years.
Excuse me, don't you have a box for "widowed?" And why not? But I'm not a single male, I'm a widower; there's a difference.
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